Thread

On realism.

I've known for years that living with my brother in Las Vegas wasn't going to work out.

The reason I was going to do it is that I have several incurable physical illnesses, and I figured it would be easier to just do it.

But now I can't.

My brother is upset, because he didn't see this coming.

And that's the point.

I've known for a long time that we'd have to go our separate ways. It's a shame, because it's a hell of a house.

And I won't be able to afford my own. I'll have to get an apartment somewhere, so I know I'll end my days with noisy neighbors.

But so what?

Nobody said anything would be easy.

The thing is, I can't abide the inability to listen. When this finally came up, it went exactly the way it always has.

My brother is a big believer in "Fake it until you can make it."

So he faked it all, and in the end, I'm not going to be able to live with him.

He absolutely denies doing what he does, so I have to find my own place.

This is why I don't have any sympathy for that nutter on Twitter who says he's going to shoot up the world because of...whatever.

I have absolutely no idea where I'm going to end up or even HOW.

I'm starting all over again from scratch AGAIN, only now I'm 57 and have severe arthritis. Don't ask me how I'm going to get hip replacement surgery or be able to exercise.

But I'm not going to shoot up anybody.

If we choose to stay alive, we run the risk of bad things happening.

I choose to stay alive.

Things will be as they will be.

When you no longer have a choice, it's a form of freedom. I was DREADING living with my brother and having to put up with everything that was happening.

Now it's all out in the open.

HUGE relief.

It turns out that all that connected us was out parents. After they died, my brother and I went in different directions.

This happens quite often in families.

So even though it sucks that I won't get to live in that nice house, I also won't have to deal with an untenable living situation.

All my adult life, I've lived in rabbit hutches, so that's not a problem. I have an almost wholly internal life.

So I'm not upset. As I said, I knew years ago that this wouldn't work out.

The thing about my family is that EVERYBODY perceives someone doing something that will lead to disaster...and then they replicate it.

My mother was stunned by my father's horrendous death, and then she replicated it.

My family is hyper-defensive, so the second you say something, they attack.

I've kept my mouth shut for years now, but I finally decided that I can't spend the final part of my life walking on eggshells.

I'd rather be alone.

I'm not sad, because I'm being seen as the unreasonable one.

Even though I made all the concessions and kept my mouth shut, the first time I said something, WHAMMO!

It's the family dynamic. Pounding others into submission.

I don't do that. If I can break the pattern, anyone can. But people choose to NOT do it.

This puts a big, fat monkey wrench in everything. But it just shows the dangers of making plans.

I'm back to living one day at a time.

It's not a bad way to live.

And today I found ANOTHER epic missing piece that I put into my REAL memoir--the one I'm going to publish under a pseudonym.

I expect the book to be a hit.

If you listen to that inner voice, you will be rewarded, as hard as it seems at the time.

So I'm as optimistic as I ever was.

END

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@ThomasWic

You are only 57. Go wherever you are happiest. All you need is an Internet connection to stay in touch with your friends here and to invest. Plus an address to have WW1 postcards sent.

Forget the apartment with noisy neighbors. Pick something better (or least buy soundproofing). Money goes a lot farther in places other than LA. You don't have any dependents holding you back. You can do anything.

@ThomasWic

Instead of living a day at a time, what would your 77 year old self advise your current 57 year old self to do?

That's 20 years. A lot can happen in 20 years. Would you listen to you at 77?

Flipping it around if you step back 20 years what advice would you give yourself at 37?

I'm pretty happy that you published your WW1 books during that period (have 2 out of 3) plus your constant posting of all kinds of interesting things here and elsewhere.

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