I've struggled with depression off and on most of my life. There's a couple of reasons for that: 1. It appears to be heredity on my dad's side. 2. I have a very good memory for all the things I don't want to remember. I remember embarrassing things I said or did even before the age of 10. Sometimes I have to remind myself that nobody who saw the event is alive any more.
I've also had to move all over the country to stay employed - 10 times. I'm on my 3rd marriage as well. But.....
Shower and remembering something better off forgotten.
Sometimes the thing that gets me out of the spiral is odd. One of the things that reminds me I need to be grateful for the good is this song.
Peter Green and Fleetwood Mac were huge at the time of this song. They were bigger than the Beatles or the Stones at the time. But you listen to the song and he is really down. He literally had everything anyone could dream of, and was completely depressed.
A short time later he went off the deep end and dissapeared for years. There is some evidence that the drugs he was experimenting with reacted with his pre-existing mental issues - so there was more than depression involved.
He had everything and it meant nothing. No gratitude and no appreciation for the good.
When I hear that song, it reminds me to appreciate the good, and pull out of the spiral.
I have been dealing with similar issues as you for most of my life. One thing i read is that the anxious or hyper vigilant brain is always trying to protect us from danger, but the settings are turned up too high, That leads to the excessive and intrusive thoughts from the past. Others are better able to let things go and trust life.
Those who label words as violence do so with the sole purpose of justifying violence against words.