For @hbgilmore

I didn't have a good relationship with my parents. They had a lot of problems.

In 1993, I moved in with my brother, two doors down from our parents.


My brother was and is a lot more involved in the issues that existed between us and our parents.

Now that our parents have died, he's created a brand-new life, and he's living it to the fullest.

When he went to the doctor, he discovered that he has very high blood pressure.

He can't understand it, since he's so happy.


I decided a long time a go that I didn't get and wouldn't get the life I wanted, so I'd accept it.

This is my motto:


It's not my place to tell my brother that he's going to crash and burn. Our relationship has already ended, for all intents and purposes.

I just don't understand insisting on futility.

Acceptance isn't the same as giving permission or enabling or anything like that.

It's just accepting that this is the reality.

Every story my brother tells m about his new friends makes me sick. They're all total losers.


My brother now sees himself as a wonderful, nurturing fairy godmother.

It's mortifying to watch.

We didn't come from that, so there's no way that he can pull it off.

Our parents shocked the hell out of us by dying the way they did. It was an experience that brought me to a level of total clarity.

I thought my brother was with me, but he wasn't.

He's living in a fantasy world now.



There's a notion that if we can just find the right words or people or place or circumstances, everything will be GREAT!

But it doesn't work that way. You have to go deep inside yourself and be brutally honest.

I used to enjoy talking with my brother, but now it's an ordeal.

Like our parents, he fooled me. I'm not resentful. It's just that another avenue has been cut off.


My ideal situation is to have my own small house with no stupid yard.

Inside would be nothing but bookshelves.

And a computer. And a TV for watching DVDs.

That's all I want.

I just don't get the need to exist in a state of complete untruth.

"Aren't my new friends wonderful?"

No. I hate them. You would too, if you were in your right mind.

I don't think about my parents very much anymore.

Sometimes I dream about them.


In the dreams, they're always younger than me, and they're always frantic.

They're trying to solve something, the way my brother is.

I'm not looking to solve anything. My brother is obsessed with how much time he has left. He dyed his beard, and wants to do all these crazy things.

You know what I'm going to do? Wait for the next life.

I have no sense of having missed out. There's no urge to make up for things.


Acceptance truly does bring peace of mind.

I still have my moments, but overall, I'm good.

There's no anger at having missed out, and there's no hysterical need to try and get things done before it's too late.

It's already too late.

But that isn't a bad thing. It's why I'm happy when I see a yellow butterfly.

That's all it takes, you know? A butterfly makes my whole day.


@ThomasWic @hbgilmore
The mystics say, that if you go deep inside there will be no next life.

@seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

Personally, if another "life" were offered me here on Earth, I'd take a pass on it.

The next move I want to make is not a lateral move, I want to progress beyond this meat suit.

@Watcher9 @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore
Now ask yourself HOW do you EVOLVE Spiritually to the level that is CAPABLE of that?


MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/ FALLEN MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/MeatSuit/ HOMERUN MeatSuit/MeatSuit/DOOR OPENS

Welcome BACK Slowpoke.

@DuaneCates @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

What bugs me about "reincarnation" is that there is no memory of the previous life. It makes no sense if you cannot remember the past.

I don't believe people that say they remember past lives. They always seem to be royalty from eons ago or war heroes or some such. Nonsense.

To live again to make the same mistakes over and over is stupid. I don't think God is stupid and his design wouldn't include stupidity like that.

One and done for me, thanks!

@Watcher9 @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore
is the Key.
There IS only One Life.
(But I've been here many times. Is that a contradiction? Not if you grasp what's being said)

@Wrc @DuaneCates @Watcher9 @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore absolutely agree. Expanding our imagination is vital. We have the capacity to understand a certain amount of the infinite. We have to focus on expanding our personal capacities.

@DuaneCates @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

I get what you're saying. The spiritual, metaphysical existence is certainly above the physical, and the spirit part of you would know and remember ALL the times you've been here.

I get it. There's a lot of "buts" in there we could talk about all day long.

Rightly or wrongly, (God will judge that one), I just don't agree with the lack of logic and I don't want to come back to this again.

@Watcher9 @DuaneCates @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

Everyone has to work out their own path to God and their own belief system. I personally tried many paths, but there has only been one God that has met with me, healed my body twice now, and has kept His promises.

Plus, I can’t attain perfection in any form on my own. I need a Savior.

I do, however, have a good idea why people who believe they have lived on earth before, believe it so emphatically.

PM me if you want my opinion.


General Patton remember his pass life it seem he only live in war time. Remember in the beginning of the movie. George the battle is this way. No it’s not it’s over there. I was in the battle 3,000 years ago.

@DuaneCates @Watcher9 @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore unbeknownst to most Jews, reincarnation is a major piece in orthodox Judaism. Kabbalah goes into
details of the mechanics.

I am not certain, but would make an educated guess that orthodox Christian mysticism includes it also.

The key is to realize that time is not linear but is concentric circles.

@DuaneCates @Oo @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

I agree with that completely. The only nuance I add is that I believe we only get one suit of clothes.

@DuaneCates @Oo @seeker @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

I should clarify a little more.

The one 'suit of clothes' has to be optional. Otherwise it violates the tenets of free will as well as adding to the dumbness of not having any memory of previous 'incarnation'.

@DuaneCates @Watcher9 no one knows for sure :) But I see the meat suit as a temporary vessel for the soul.

I see the soul as made of pure source energy. The opposite of the meatsuit and other earthly matters. Like life.

(Lots of paralells to the force mythology.)

my current take is I think of this life as just one small piece of the souls existence.

Life experience, whether I like it or not keeps refining my soul. By design.

@Oo @DuaneCates
Again, I agree with all that, for the most part.

I think the 'soul' belongs to God. It's our only way to communicate with God. I think it's a piece of God that God put into us.

At the end of our lives, if we choose (through our free will) to turn our face from God, that piece, the soul, will be taken back. What's left will rot and decay in nothingness until you no longer exist through a descent into and past madness.

God is "the source". Only fools turn their faces from God.


‘Lord, grant me the ability to
accept those things that I cannot

May every day you have in this life
be filled with yellow butterflies.


@ThomasWic @hbgilmore TW you are spot on with this. I have come to a point where I’m done trying to impress anyone with my toys or looks, or gigantic brain etc, or gain approval that never comes and I find so much pleasure in the simple things, like yellow butterflies, rainbows, the Milky Way on a those few nights a month when the moon is gone, and my small house full of books and guitars where no one bothers me.

@ThomasWic @hbgilmore I wanted to be an electrical engineer. Almost made it, but then life happened. Its too late now. I accepted that my dream wasn’t ever happening about 10 years ago.

I just landed a good job as basically, an Industrial Engineer. Its not good because it pays well. Its good because it lets me live close to my mom, and I get to solve tons of problems for the company - my favorite thing to do is troubleshoot, and I have a gift- I’m working as an engineer anyway. Life is good.

@Jojoplumber @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

I notice that you had a goal. You were unable to reach it one way. You moved on with life. The goal came back and you had an opportunity to achieve your goal; just in a different way. This is wonderful. As I like to say ‘It was meant to be!’ Thanks for sharing.

@ThomasWic @hbgilmore On the other side of the coin, there are plenty of people who get the things they think will make them happy - money, fame, career success - but still contrive to be utterly miserable. Robin Williams, for example. I think the secret is not to get what you want, but to want what you get.

@cmclark63 @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

When my nephew was six I asked what he wanted for his birthday.

He said

You take what you get and you don't throw a fit.

It was a great lesson for me.

@ThomasWic @hbgilmore

I was just talking about something similar the other day.

I was talking to a young person and they wanted to know what the most important thing that I have learned in my life and I told them it was learning to be content, whatever the circumstances.

There is a great freedom derived from contentment.

@KodiakIsland @ilumanous @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

Contentment is IMPOSSIBLE to come by if your expectations are inflexible and INTRACTABLE.

Count all the obstacles between you and your contentment and/or happiness.

Then, go around all of the them, grab them (FOR FREE), drag them back with you, and PUT THEM TO WORK!

"It's an island, Babe. If you don't bring it here, you won't find it here.”

@StevenDouglas @ilumanous @ThomasWic @hbgilmore

Crazy but my life came into place solidly when I quit being inflexible. I didn’t realize how set in my ways I was embedded. That is a growth process. I am Happy generally because that’s my disposition but I’ve grown in so many ways. I surround myself with love and good will. I hope to pass this down. It’s not that I haven’t suffered for I have, mightily but I came through it learning.

@ilumanous @ThomasWic @hbgilmore


I can remember a time in my life, when told by a friend he was content with his life, I was HORRIFIED. At that time in my life (40 yrs ago), being a "New Age" junkie, the idea of contentment meant no growth, no learning, no advancement of my "soul."

Looking back on it, I now know I was restless, never satisfied with my life circumstances, always searching for the path to "truth."

In fact, I was running away from MYSELF. An impossibility.

@ThomasWic @hbgilmore

When I was in the hospital, right after major surgery, just seeing a flower drawn on the whiteboard on the wall was a big deal, it made my day.


My dad was born in 1913.
My mother in 1930.
My dad was a successful married “man’s man” in 1949 in San Antonio.
My mother was a vivacious and beautiful young 19 year old living with her brother and his wife in San Antonio.
Story told: She worked at his car dealership and flirted with him by spitting on his head from the stairs at work.
More likely: She was a dancer in a club he owned.
She set her cap for this successful man about town.


She was his kept woman.
Daddy used to love to tell the story of how he gave his secretary 2000 dollars to take my mother to the finest stores in San Antonio and dress her.
Then he would take her on trips to Mexico with other couples and wine and dine her with a stunningly beautiful young woman.
I have the black and white club photos from their trips.
Found them in a trunk after they both passed away.
My Daddy had the biggest smile in all the photos as well as did my mother.


I never saw my daddy smile, ever.
Only in those black and white photos and the one the undertaker managed to screw onto his face much to us kids’ chagrin.
My mother tried every trick in the book to get him to marry her.
When she got pregnant with my oldest brother in 1950, he shipped her and her mother off to Gunnison, CO and put them up in a hotel to give birth.
He would go visit and my other brother was conceived there as well.
The old man was used to getting his way.


Finally, she managed to get him to divorce his wife and they were legally married when she was six months pregnant in San Saba, TX.
So, she had my brothers in 1951 and 1952 then proud to say legit me came along in 1953.
We grew up calling my mother by her first name, Jean. We thought that was normal.
In reality, for the first couple of years, she had passed off my oldest brother as her baby brother... my poor Grandma.
Daddy was never happy after that.
Said he never wanted kids.

@hbgilmore @ThomasWic wow. I’m a very lucky lady to be number 6 of mom and dad’s 8 kids. They were awesome. Dad an agnostic married a Catholic gal. He only wanted 1 child got 8. He was the best darn dad in the world. We all adored our parents. Wonder why I was so fortunate? They were both so full of life and so much fun to the end. Go figure.


As a young mother, I bawled and squalled to my mother-in-law about how my family didn’t love me...poor woman.
Truth is: they didn’t.
I stopped mourning over what I never had a long time ago.
But not before I adversely affected my children.
I ‘fessed up my faults and asked for their forgiveness.
They don’t feel like forgiving me.
That’s fine.
Here’s where I’m at now:
Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
Always thought that was stupid.
Now, I don’t.


I found true, unconditional love through Jesus Christ.
They can’t take that away.
If my kids don’t love me,
It’s sad, but that’s okay.
Maybe the good Lord is giving me one last chance to show my daughter and her family unconditional love.
I would say that I am out of practice, but the truth is I never knew how before.
I think I do now.
But not by myself.
Only with the help of my three counselors
The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

I take joy in butterflies,



My mother, Mrs. William M. “Jean” Holman the night she won Mrs. San Antonio in 1959. Daddy was dressed in a top hat and tails and a SMILE! Last smile that I ever saw. Yes, she had guts. Moved back to the city where his ex-wife lived and took the social scene by storm!

They never celebrated their wedding anniversary.
Daddy said he thought it was silly.

Sounds like you could be part of my family.We called our parents by their first name and I was in the eight grade before I learn it wasn’t normal. But my family wasn’t normal.

@hbgilmore @ThomasWic

Sounds like you had a real challenge. But I know you know that your parents’ life is not your life. Thanks for sharing.

@Victoria99654 @ThomasWic

Without my parents and all their faults, I wouldn’t be here nor would I be as strong, caring and compassionate. I thank the Lord for them. Took me a while, but I got there. I hope to see them both in Heaven one day.

@ThomasWic @hbgilmore

Or a beautiful and well kept car.

Distant church bell: Heaven.

Washing dishes and taking care of tools: Cathartic.

Witnessing quite dignity and self-respect: Inspiring.

Simple systems or equipment that forever work as intended: Makes me giddy.

Extracting and thoroughly enjoying the simplest best-of-the-best classics of any culture: Worth the price of admission.

Thomas Wictor's perspectives: Affirming, calming, fortifying.

None of it out of anyone's reach.

@ThomasWic I'm a little younger than you, yet I have three brothers older than you. We lost our parents in `04 and `06 to cancer.

@ThomasWic I have nowhere the story you have, but I can say that our parents relationship is still an enigma. I don't think we truly knew them.

@ThomasWic They were very private people, and on some level I've adopted that. Kind-of sad in some respect.

@ThomasWic @hbgilmore
Sorry to hear that you and your brother are on the outs. Did you decide not to move out there?

The good news about being without fantasy in your head is no one is looking over your shoulder telling you what to do. The bad news is you feel metaphysically alone. That's ok with me. But unlike you,I am content to believe "the world ends when I die".

1) @ThomasWic @hbgilmore
Its taken me a lifetime to arrive at that point where i see the joy in that butterfly.My parents were divorced.SHE had two other kids(not my dad's) They had a huge custody fight over me.My dad's lawyer was Janet Reno(before she became famous).My dad got custody of me(age 1.5 yrs old)I have no memories of that woman, my biological mother.My dad remarried when I was two

2) @ThomasWic @hbgilmore
.SHE is the one i called mom and who i still consider as mom.They divorced when I was 9..She took me to school one morning and I never saw her again At 10 I was shipped off to family up north,They were very strict.I turned 18 and was sent home to my dad where i finally felt wanted.My dad was my hero.Life.Most was good, not
always happy.Never did without,good education,material "things".Now its just me,a roommate,and 3 silly doxi's It is what it is

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