I finally found out why my youngest daughter isn’t talking to me and is sad all the time.

She wants to start taking testosterone and knows I won’t agree.

I can’t stop her (legally). She is 19. She wants a beard.

I don’t understand any of this. I just don’t.

I finally cornered her and told her, my job as a parent has been and will always be to try to guide and keep her safe. Her job is to try to find a life that makes her happy. We may well disagree on her choices, but they are still her choices.

I emphasized that this is not me approving of her desire to take testosterone, and that I consider it unsafe and unhealthy. But that I can’t stop her. And I don’t have to live in her body - she does.

I also emphasized that if she finds it isn’t what she thought would make her happy, she can try other things (as her sister has done - stopped taking T and has accepted her female body. Is now into ear gauges. 🤷🏻‍♀️


I can report that my kid seems happier since I talked to her the other day. Being told we can’t stop her, even if we disagree and worry, seems to have unburdened her.

It is a welcome change except for the reason. :(

My life has similarities to yours. Both my daughters have made choices I’m not comfortable with. They are both in mid 40’s. I do my best to understand & be supportive, but sometimes it’s tough.

You seem like a great mom, being there for them and trying to understand & support decisions they make. Not easy, but I give you credit for your strength

@Chotiari My 19 year old on the autism spectrum periodically goes thru this as she’s overweight and unhappy with her body. Rather than becoming disciplined enough to change her eating and exercise habits, she convinces herself she’d be happy being gay. Then bi. Then pansexual. One day she wanted to buy a chest binder. Now she’s had 2 open heart surgeries & sensory issues. I reminded her she hates wearing a bra but if she could wear a bra for a month, I would get her a binder. She couldn’t so 1

@Chotiari that went by the wayside, too. I’ve always found that with mine, my best reaction was no reaction. If she told me she has a girlfriend, my reply is “oh I hope she’s a good person to you.” A lot of kids are just flat out unhappy with their life but they don’t exactly know why or how to change it. I blame Covid hysteria & the church preaching end times. All these kids hear every day is doom and gloom. It’s enough. 😕 2/end

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